ending


if all things must end
then let this, too
be the end of me.
rather than live
always echoing,
echoing sadness
in a hollow husk.
rather than walk,
numb, along a shore
where hope is set afloat
upon a midwinter sea,
to find its own way home.
where love is mere memory
scrawled in sand.

let me lay down
amongst bitter grey ashes
where truth and promises burned,
let me lay down
and close my eyes
that no longer see your smile
let me lay down
with my tired heart
cobwebbed with cracks
and dream, and wish
for just a single day
without this emptiness.

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poem for my father


How long has it been
since i have felt a rough fingertip
tracing the path of my tear
down the curve of my cheek?

How long has it been
since i have felt safe, at peace,
my ear resting on a chest
spicy with cologne and tobacco,
and booming with warm love?

Too long, too long ago,
a voice, deep, and layered
with gentle love and fierce concern
spoke my name, and sighed.
Too many years
have passed, since proud smiles,
and the twinkle of a shared joke
laughed in bright green eyes.

xox

how long has it been

since i have felt a rough fingertip

tracing the path of my tear

down the curve of my cheek?

how long has it been

since i have felt safe, at peace,

my ear resting on a chest

spicy with cologne and tobacco,

and booming with warm love?

too long, too long ago

a voice, deep and layered

with gentle love and fierce concern

spoke my name, and sighed.

too many years

have passed since proud smiles,

and the twinkle of a shared joke

laughed in bright green eyes..

Finding Radiance


“In old religions, it’s taught that going into the center of the daunting is the way through, not avoidance. This secret ought not be secret: At the center of dreaded things is radiance entrapped. If one can brave to the center of this in oneself or others: hatred, outrage, disgust, jealousy, grief, hopelessness, one can most often see and set the radiance free.”

“She sat with her pain, and in her warm embrace, it melted until she came through to the other side where everything was poetry…”

A Prayer

Refuse to fall down.
If you cannot refuse to fall down,
refuse to stay down.
If you cannot refuse to stay down,
lift your heart toward heaven,
and like a hungry beggar,
ask that it be filled,
and it will be filled.
You may be pushed down.
You may be kept from rising.
But no one can keep you
from lifting your heart
toward heaven—
only you.
It is in the middle of misery
that so much becomes clear.
The one who says nothing good
came of this,
is not yet listening.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Who Heals Me?


Years ago, I came to terms with the fact that I am a Healer. I am put here to transform and transmute other people’s pain.

I came to this conclusion, because the only people I ever seem to attract into my life are the broken ones. The ones that need all the tenderness and love that I can pour out onto them. They bask, they glow, they find themselves once more, and once they are healed, they go on their way.

Of course, they never look back. If they did, they would see me vainly trying to cope with yet another broken soul’s baggage left behind.

I suppose that in some ways, I bring it upon myself. I find the broken people and I help to put them back together, but I seem to neglect to keep myself intact while I’m mending and soothing.You see, I have a fatal flaw. I love too deeply, too completely, and with everything that I have. I love the people who are unable to love me back.

Each person who comes into my life, receives everything that I have to offer. I spin a safe cocoon of tenderness where they feel able to put themselves back together without judgment, without fear of falling. Once the cocoon is no longer needed, they break free, their soul’s metamorphosis complete, and they flutter away.

It’s frustrating, it’s lonely, and oh, it hurts.